If you’re having thought about “getting that perfect girl/guy/friend group” to like me, then this post is for you.
One of the biggest fallacies that I’ve had in my life is that if you become cool, then people will suddenly like you. This probably stems from my experiences in high school, where I was the youngest kid there (12 in 9th grade) and I went through a tough period trying to get people to like me. I gave my full effort to make the basketball team, and thought that the cool guys and girls will finally like me if I performed on the court. I would shoot hoops from the 3 point line and say “for [insert high school girl’s name]” and hope I’d make the shot. I continued doing this until college, when one I day realized, “for me” and started shooting 3s for myself.
When A Right Match Is In Sync, It Generally Happens Quickly
In all of my travels and friends I’ve made along the way, I realized that most of the time, if someone is meant to be a good friend to you, it happens pretty quickly. You hit it off right from the beginning. Very rarely do I have people who I didn’t like or felt “off” about become a good friend. As I have gotten older I have made an effort to befriend people who are different than me, or I otherwise didn’t like or obviously disliked me. As Lincoln said, “I do not like that man. I must get to know him better”. And some of my rewarding friendships now do come from going against the grain of my instincts and emotions.
Exceptions To The Rule
I have also had friends who appeared to be great, but turned out to be terrible. However, most of the time, these situations happened because I wasn’t fully present and listening to my inner voice and instincts.
I’ve also had good friends who became enemies, who went against me when the tides turned, and I learned to look out for these people. Loyalty and trustworthiness became important traits I look for in new friends.
Very rarely, I have enemies that become friends, but never close friends. My level of love perhaps is not yet able to accomplish such feats.
If Only I Became Cool
As I have been working a lot lately, I pass by beautiful girls in my journey and sometimes I wonder, what would it be like to be cool again. When I had social momentum, I dressed better, was more socially fluid with my words, and just had social momentum. I knew about local events, who was going, and what to wear. Right now, I barely have time to socialize and it is difficult to adjust between the strategic, analytical work mode to social fluidity and grace.
I believe at this point in my life that although you should always look and present yourself in the best way, those who will naturally connect with you would do so anyway, and those who could otherwise not connect with you but will change their minds if you appeared more “stylish” or “cooler” or “higher social status” would like you for the wrong reasons.
It is for this reason that I believe, much like the book “The Prince And The Pauper”, sometimes you have to pretend like you are nobody to see how somebody would treat you.
It is for this reason that I believe, as a model or a person who is highly valued for a particular skill or a “look”, it is a blessing and a course. Let’s say a girl is valued for her beauty. When it starts fading, she will not know what to do or what to base her value on.
Let’s imagine a beautiful young girl who is a model. She’s on the runway and on top of her game in NY an LA. She’s in fashion magazines, and the guys an gals who made fun of her in high school now checkout her Instagram and talk about her every week. She’s dating movie stars and men on a high social status. She gets free gifts from major brands and is flown around the world to shoot and to date men who have the means to do so.
One day, sometimes happens to her health. She’s still beautiful, but now she has to take time to take care of this issue. She now realizes that the friends that she had don’t have her back. They valued her fame, beauty, but not her loyalty, her funny personality, her quirky slightly OCD behavior with the way she places her pens and books in her living room, and her devotion to her family. Instead, these people pretty much bail on her when they realized she won’t be around because of her health issues. Her family and close friends from back home are there for her, and she realizes how fickle her social network is, as it is purely based on a superficial value system.
Balancing My Viewpoint
In reality, the new rise of Instagram models have a generally long shelf life. From 18 to 34, and sometimes longer, they can amass a truly huge following. She gets invited to parties and makes friends of all sorts. It can be a great life. As a guy, sometimes I imagine what life would be like if I was Vincent Chase from Entourage.
The important thing to note here, is that the awareness of the superficial. As Einstein would say, “While I sometimes enjoy all this commotion about me, I am perfectly fine without it”. In his biography written by Walter Isaacson, the author noted that Einstein never really invested that much in the public’s celebration of his discovery of the theory of relativity. While Vincent Chase enjoys his celebrity fame, his close relationship with his friends and family always outweighs his brief sexual encounters.
Ideal Girl / Guy Friend
As I sit here in the post July-4th weekend on 7/7, I realized that my ideal guy friend is someone who has high social status yet paradoxically aware of how fickle it is. My ideal girl is someone who understands the fame game and the allure of her beauty, while at the same time knowing how fickle it can all be. Someone who fully enjoys life and our somewhat commercial and superficial culture, lives it to the fullest, but is also grounded and practical and understands the true value of it all.
A great embodiment of this is Bodhi from Point Break. The 2015 version. He’s got the connects and the resources, yet he’s chasing something bigger than all that. He goes from an amazing boat party, enjoys it, and then the next day meditates and plans his next move. He’s now defined by the superficial parties. He simply enjoys them on his journey – he doesn’t let others determine the direction of his life.